Hello -
It is with much sadness that I’m affraid my prediction came true. My soul mate Sheryl of 28 1/2 years passed on early this week. She loved her MTM family and wanted me to include you in her journey. This is the latest email sent to our close family and friends.
_____________________________
In the 28 1/2 years that Sheryl and I have shared our lives together anybody who knew us understood our relationship was special. If ever two people found their soul mate, we did.
In all of our years together anybody who met and got to know Sheryl would describe her in one of two ways. Sheryl was sweet - and might I say had a sweet tooth to go with it. But more recently, Sheryl seemed to shine brighter than ever and with it I noticed more people begin to describe her as an angel.
In the past three months since her diagnosis, Sheryl showed us all how to live life to the fullest even in the face of death. She smiled, the laughed, she taught and every moment of every day made sure that everybody she had contact with left feeling better than when they arrived.
While caring for her she would often look into my eyes say, “I’m strong - I can do it”. And she did until the very last day.
We celebrated our Christmas a little early this year on December 1st with gifts, songs and food. It was as natural and as great as any other Christmas. She was strong.
Saturday was spent with family and close friends making more memories for the entire day which included singing virtually every song in the Beatles collection, Sheryl’s favorite Christmas songs and any other songs she would request. From her bed she made us happy. She was strong.
Sunday, Sheryl made sure we were all “satisfied” with the situation. Did we have questions? Did we want to know anything? Did she say everything needed? Are we going to be OK? Even in her last days, Sheryl was thinking about us. She was strong.
All of us had a great weekend in spite of the fact that our Hospice nurse had confirmed in visits on the previous Wednesday and Friday that the active dying process had begun and we would not have long with her. She was strong.
On Monday morning Sheryl slept in a little late but when she woke she was in good spirits. Still, it wasn’t long before she asked her sister Nancy to light the “Orange Candle”, a spiritual way of clearing the path for the soul to leave the body. That’s when I walked into the room and said, “I see you lit the candle… are you leaving us soon”? She said, “I think so, and it’s OK”. She was strong.
We spent the day as usual, the only difference being Sheryl sleeping a little more. Amazingly she was still on a very low dose of medications and of clear mind and able to communicate with all of us throughout the day. Personally, I am in total awe of how anybody could control their pain and anxiety in this kind of situation. I can’t imagine how she did it. She was strong.
Monday evening Sheryl wrapped up the day with a meal - the first in 2 days. She requested soup and I’ll never forget the look on her face and her saying, “this is so good”. The the look got better when we gave her a Gingerbread cookie and milk. Remember that sweet tooth? It was there to the end. Shortly after dinner, we tucked her in bed and she insisted on giving me several kisses before beginning our nightly ritual.
For three months I had taken Sheryl through a visualation that traveled from a beautiful waterfall in the rain forest to the middle of the ocean where she could visit with her favorite Whale and Dolphin friends that she loved so much. It always relaxed her and most nights she fell asleep long before I could finish - still she request it again and again. It was our special time and I will never forget it. She was strong, but at the end of the day, she needed a little help and I’m so pleased I was able to be there for her.
That was the last time I spoke with Sheryl.
During the night I wasn’t able to wake her. Several hours later our Hospice nurse helped us make her more comfortable with medication and was surprised how little she was on. The day passed quickly with our family each spending time with Sheryl, each saying goodbye and amazingly still getting feedback from her. A raise of the eyebrow, a wiggle of the lip or a squeeze of her finger. In one case, when one of my children started crying, Sheryl also shed a tear. She was strong for all of us.
As night came we could sense the end was near and while we sat with her most of the night, we felt as if she might prefer to spare us from the last moment. So, after her last medication at 2 AM, we set our alarms for 5 AM and went sleep.
At 4:44 AM both Carlyn and I woke as if an alarm had gone off in our head. She checked her Mom and then came to find me sitting up on the sofa just outside Sheryl’s room. “Dad, Mom has passed” she said. I know...I know.
It was a wonderfully peaceful moment for Carlyn, Austin and myself and we pray for Sheryl. While we had each said our goodbyes in our own way the night before, we took as much time with Sheryl as we needed after her passing. There no hurry after all.
I have said from the very beginning that Sheryl would live and enjoy what she called her “mommy suit” until very last moment possible and then switch her body off. That’s exactly what she did. Yes - she was strong. Thank god she taught us to be the same.
Sheryl passed on December 6, 2006 at 4:44 AM. I will miss her dearly.
