I have about 65 pounds to lose and I’m in the same boat as many of you. I’m on two BP meds and had a scare with pre-diabetes that I have righted by quitting the junk food. I’m 52 and I’ve been an ER nurse for 15 years. I know where unhealthy living will take me. I see it again and again every day that I work. High blood pressure, diabetes, cardiac involvement, and often followed by renal disease and kidney failure in the diabetics. I am not ready to become one of these people. The road to a slow death has to stop here and I have to take a new path.

It is a slow death in so many ways. As I became more and more overweight I started to realize I wasn’t living life to the fullest, I became an observer, rather than partaking in the dancing, or exercise, or games at the annual picnic, I stood back and watched. I became a photographer, a good thing in itself but a symptom of the bigger picture.

I live only a few miles from the ocean and I don’t swim anymore because I don’t want to put a bathing suit on. I used to love to boogie board and body surf. I would scream with delight like a child each time I caught a wave. It has been almost 10 years since I put on a bathing suit. Life is passing me by and it’s by my own choice. Sound familiar???

As I continued on this path I got sad and depressed. Who is in charge of this body that used to be mine? Is it a bowl of spaghetti at midnight? How can I let a bowl of pasta determine my happiness? This is insane. But how many people take part in this very same sort of insanity, giving up their lives inch by inch on a daily basis. Sound familiar???

I have changed my patterns and made the decision to change my life. I started in the beginning of August and weigh in at the beginning of every month. I’m down just about 10 pounds. I was very happy to find a BMR calculator. It has made a big difference knowing these calculations. I am keeping track of my calories now and by doing this I am realizing that I am not eating as much as I thought. So the sabotage is not as much of an issue as it was.

I’ve stopped eating the heavy food at night and eat some watermelon when I have to have something. I’m surviving and I’m thankful for the friends I’ve made here. I’m with you all to the end. I want my life back. I want to swim in the ocean and surf those waves again. How could I give it up for so long? I’ve been lost in the fog of a food hangover. NO MORE, let’s get on with living. I’m lucky to be alive and able to change the damage I have done before it is too late.

Denise

Believe me, I understand. You could have been writing about me in this post, and I’m sure others as well.

All I can say is, Yes, it sounds familiar. Yes, it is insane. And a resounding YES, I’m with you. NO MORE, Let’s get on with life!

Being part of a group of people like MTM is a great place to make it happen. There’s always someone around to encourage you and pick you up after a momentary lapse. Together, we are stronger than we are alone. And when I think of Sheryl and her struggles, well, I don’t want to just throw my life away. It’s worth fighting for.

And by the way, I’m glad your knee is feeling better!

In my case, you’re preaching to the choir Denise.  I completely understand. I probably hadn’t verbalized it the way you have, but I do understand. Your post is very inspiring.  It seems silly to live life as the shadow of my former self, if that makes any sense.  I have no reason not to be moving.  Thanks for posting this.

Your post is inspiring.  About 3 years ago I was where you are now.  Only about 25 pounds overweight, but heading in the wrong direction - depressed, and thinking that life had nothing to offer.  Like you, I made a choice to do something to change my life, the best one ever.  I joined a gym in Florida and guess who was teaching the cardio cross class!

I can promise you that you will not only get your life back, you will get a life that is beyond whatever dreams you might have.  I’m 54, I hike, kayak, have many wonderful friends that I met through all my new activities, I have a job I love, and the support of this wonderful community.  All I can say is go for it.  As long as your alive (and if you can post to MTM land, you must be, It’s never to late.

I love your picture - It looks like somewhere in the Pacific NW

Paula

Thanks folks for your kind words. I had a great day yesterday but I fell off the wagon last night.    The popcorn jumped me when I wasn’t looking. 2 bags of it. I know that’s really bad.

I have to ask why did I behave like a ravenous survivor on a deserted island without a 7-11.  I realize now that I didn’t get enough calories in the earlier part of the day. I was so sad to ruin things but I’m back on track and today I’ll eat more of my food earlier in the day. I do best when I keep track of my calories. It shows me exactly where I am and I tend to eat less when I know I have to write it down. Wish me good fortune...I am a survivor. I know I can do this. Thank God for all of you. I’m in Central California near Santa Cruz and Monterey, at the top of Monterey Bay.

Denise.....who promises to do better today!

I may not be surfing like this young guy I captured with my Nikon in Santa Cruz, but I’ll be out there on my boogie board. I was out in the shed dusting it off the other day. Now to get into a bathing suit....eeeeee gads!

http://static.flickr.com/50/153494504_6b9d1ede03_b.jpg

Don’t beat you self up, just continue with the good stuff today.  It all averages out in the end and if you’re ‘good’ more than you’re ‘bad’ you’ll be looking hot in a bathing suit and out on that boogie board before you know it. 

By the way, do you realize how many calories you need to burn to stay warm in the Pacific Ocean in Central California in a bathing suit? 

Paula

Day 1.....My goodness but I have come a long way since Sept. It makes me realize time waits for no one and each minute is precious and needs to be addressed with the plan for a future I want to be a part of. A healthy-fit future.

I just finished my second set of “100 days of Exercise”. When I started this challenge I couldn’t even make it up the mountain without stopping several times. I was so heavy I was uncomfortable and exercising was a chore. Now it’s a part of every day and as natural as breathing.  I’m going to work on my food and tightening up my plan. It’s like entropy. It is a constant challenge to keep it under control. I want my food choices to become as natural as my choice to move.  I want it to be rote so that is what I will work on here.

Day1..... of Healthy food choices. So far so good it’s the night eating I have to watch, and I have a plan I set up with Scott that works. I just have to stick to it. Not to say I can’t dig in to some really delicious carbs now and again
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/28/61186422_09061e4506_b.jpg
but like Scott says we need to plan for it.

Off to work in an hour. I’ll get my exercise there too. 100 sit-ups a day ought to add some flavor to the soup as well as stronger abs.

Denise

Denise,
It will get easier with time to eat food that are healthy and good for you!!  Your body will start to crave and look forward to things like fresh fruit and veggies.  Keep up the great work, I know that you can do it!  Can’t wait to hear stories of you surfing and doing the boogie board again!! Share some pictures with us when that happens!!  That will be so exciting!! Here is to healthy eating and living life to its fullest!! Now go out there and get the life that you deserve to live!!  Keep up all the great work!!!  I know you will be very successful!! 

Scooby

We have NO DOUBT that you will achieve your goal of eating better.....your halfway there already! 

I LOVE to eat, and eating the right stuff is very satisfying, knowing your doing what your body needs, and what your tastebuds love!

I too, can’t wait to see pics of you surfing......I used to surf when I was younger (my wetsuit fits again) and I have been getting these longings to go out!  looking at the ocean while I bike by the waves (last few days have been HUGE!

Take care Denise, and know you have all of our support!

Thanks folks..... Day 1 was a success.

I started out with a good day of course there was the obligatory box of See’s Candy, and all of it’s glorious calories that some well meaning patient brought by in thanks for his care. It was sitting on the table in our break room. Usually I would have gorged myself with the rest of the gang. It’s like the Hoover came by when the crew gets a box of chocolate. It can be gone in 10 minutes flat. Word spreads across the floor like the condor has landed. “Pssss, there’s chocolate in the break room”.  The intel is better than anything the CIA has to offer. I only ate 2 and then I had the whole night to run it off. I did get hungry in the middle of the night around 3am, that told me I hadn’t eaten enough because I never get hungry in the middle of the night. I really wanted an apple but I was too tired to stop at 12:30am on the way home. I’ll get more fruit today. I ended up having a little bowl of Cheerios with half of a banana and that worked.

I was in bed at 1:30 am and I realized I forgot to do my sit-ups ....well up I jumped and did the best 100 sit-ups a girl could do, and I actually feel it today. I did 50 on lower abs and 50 on the upper area. I can only imagine how good it will feel once I’ve done 100 days if it feels this good after my first 100 sit-ups.

I’m feeling good and listening to a book titled “Ask and It Is Given-Part 2”, by Esther and Jerry Hicks. Apparently they were on the original DVD movie of The Secret and were not on the new version. I wondered why some versions of the DVD were so much more money. The book is a how to book for raising your vibrational energy. It is very good. There are 22 processes to deal with all levels or states of mind from joyful, passionate, happy, knowledge, to bored to fear, grief and depression. Lots of great ideas how to raise your awareness and bring your self to a more joyful place. Learning to be aware. In the Secret they called it “Remembering to remember”. How can we change our state of being if we are not aware of it is the basic premise.

Well off I go the dogs are waiting for their walk up the mountain. It’s cold here, just when I thought spring had arrived we are back to cold nights and windy days.

Denise : )

Wow Denise, you sound like a new person. I’m so happy for you. Stay warm.

Bree