Personal Development Community

OK, I am hearing a lot of words like ‘I want to get up, work out, and get healthy’ from my wife.  I have been working out consistently now for about a month and have lost about 13 lbs.  I am getting stronger and feeling better but I can’t seem to get my wife beyond the talking and into the actions.  Any suggestions?  She tells me that she wants me to push her and when I do, she gets ‘nasty’ with me because she doesn’t want to do it yet she then turns around the next day and wants me to push her again.  Feel like I am on a yo-yo here and she get’s upset when she does not see the results that I see.  Even though I work out 6 days a week for about 30 minutes every day.  Any suggestions?

Ha, brother I had the same problem a few months ago ... I sat her down and we had a chat. A simple chat in a non-threatening tone, but firm enough to let her know that I wasn’t going to be her out. Nothing sarcastic or patronizing either. Just straight forward.

I asked her why she wasn’t ready. I asked what it was she needed before she could proceed. Then I offered to help get her the time and things she needed to get started. It was obvious she wanted to start. We just had to figure out what was in the way and remove it. With my wife the problem was simply a mental one. She was overwhelmed and didn’t know where to begin. I helped her to decide that it didn’t matter where to start, just that it was important she did. So she began tagging along to the gym. I went to my workout and she got on a treadmill.

For motivation, I allowed the kids to have a couple friends over and hired a babysitter. The volume of noise radiating from the basement was enough to get her to follow me. Once she saw how easy it was to get moving, she was hooked. We now workout together. It’s our time. Check it out, we’re building a healthy lifestyle and a healthy relationship at the same time. That’s the muti-tasking I enjoy.

Hope this helps

Awesome suggestions, thank you very much!

My husband wants to lose weight, but doesn’t quite get the eating less and cardio thing. Since he wants to eat steak and bacon (low carb experience coming back to his memory) and not think about his diet, I had to tweek his options and change my approach to my own eating.

By switching him to the 8-hour plan (8- hours of meal time, food combination diet), and 16-hours off, along with a food combination diet, I feel he’ll get the results he’s seeking. He needs to lose weight, and lower cholesterol, in quick order.

But like you, I really dislike being “the bad guy” or the “devil’s advocate”. It’s like he wants help, but then wants to blame me when he can’t eat what he wants, when he wants.

By just “doing it myself”, and being responsible for the majority of the shopping, he’s starting to reap the results. But the first week isn’t an easy week for change in diet.

Derek, I liked your suggestions as well. I think the chat will work out with us. Telling him that he needs to up his cardio, and then actually seeing him follow through, are two different animals. Just hate him being upset with me when things aren’t peaches and cream.

Have a great day, everyone!

If you could at least get her to start thinking about her perfect day and how she wants to feel… it may help motivate her to want to start moving.  One of the best things I’ve heard Scott say (over and over again… which we all need!!!) is that whether it be 5 days or 5 years from now, would you still want it???? 

I struggle with myself every day and it takes hearing what Scott has to say to stay focused.  Hopefully she is able to find her motivation but I think it’s a good idea to start there. 

Hope this helps!!!

Chris and Josette!

How have you made out with helping your spouses? I hope everything is working out ok.

My wife fell off the wagon a couple times, but for the most part she is getting healthier. I work hard to help motivate her, and more importantly, support her. She needs as much time and flexibility to do her thing as I do to do mine. We exercise together frequently, but not always. When she needs to “do it alone”, I accomodate for her. Sometimes I drop things or just take the kids. It’s never a sacrifice, because I promised myself that her fitness and health is top priority. I even put it ahead of work (to a point). She sees it and is inspired to try harder. She thinks I’m sacrificing for her and I can’t convince her otherwise. There is no sacrifice here, it’s what I really want. The prize is a greater chance of growing old together.

I told her that I won’t be her out and that I will help her remove the obstacles. After that, some kind words of encouragement go a long ways. I learned once that the best thing you can tell a kid is that you’re proud of them. This works on spouses too. I am so proud of my wife. She has made this a serious year of change. Her results are by her efforts, not mine. I never preach to her, just merely lead by example. It’s a team effort. She has a long way to go, but has also come really far.