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Here’s what bothers me every day and what often keeps me from moving:
I’m dependent. Here’s why: My boyfriend and I live an apartment an hour’s walk from the city centre, in quite a bad neighbourhood. I don’t have a car and there’s no public transport. I used to ride a bicycle but I got hit by a car 6 weeks ago and am scared now, so walking is my only option. The problem is that I won’t leave the house by myself unless I have class or an appointment. As soon as it’s dark it gets even worse. I just can’t bring myself to go out that door, and it really affects my life.
I’m trying to find ways to get around this, but none of my friends live anywhere near me. I’d love to go running in the mornings, but I need something or someone to push me. I listen to the MTM podcast every night and I know I need to take responsibility for myself and just do it. So on Tuesday I got up, took a step and went to my dance class, something I hadn’t done in weeks. Now I just need to keep it up - that’s the “Repeat” part. So far, it’s been “stand up, take a step, fall down”, but I’m really determined to stay standing now.
So my goals are:
- go running one morning a week
- go swimming one morning a week
- get back on my bicycle
That last one might have to be a longer term one though.
You have quite a set of challenges, but you know what they are, and congratulations for making it to dance class.
First of all, I’m glad you weren’t more seriously injured, but it’s terrible that you had an accident with your bicycle. And I’m disappointed to know that there are parts of England with no adequate public transport. I always think it’s so much better there than here in the southern U.S. Maybe you can take it to your council and lobby for better service?
It is hard to get motivated, especially in the mornings for some of us. If you are facing anxieties about being out alone, it’s even harder. But I’m sure every time you have a successful morning like Tuesday, you’re paving the way for another successful outing.
Do you keep a written journal for yourself? Why not try an activity I mentioned somewhere else on the site, something my former boss taught me. Write a short journal page describing the most satisfying, productive, fulfilling day possible, as if it had just happened that day and you’ve got to get it down before it’s over. From waking to bedtime, if you like. It might be motivating for you.
It’s well after midnight your time. By the time you see this it might be Friday morning. What are you doing today? Or Friday night. What will you do Saturday? Why not make a commitment here to something you know you can do and then do it? It does help me.
Hi Nienke! Do you have the option to get a dog? They make great running partners, need the exercise, and scare off potential creeps. Living in an iffy neighborhood, you are actually doing the right thing by being cautious. I also recommend getting mace, handy stuff. And if you have a cell phone, keep it handy and have the police on speed dial. These are things I tend to do even though I live in a safe neighborhood. I just feel better knowing I’m prepared.
But don’t let it keep you stuck inside. Find a way to feel safe and get out and enjoy your life, there are so many wonderful things out there to experience, go live life. You’re worth it.
Wow, I completely forgot that I’d started one of these and had never read the replies, memory like a sieve…
That’s actually a great thing, because reading back over my post, I can see how far I’ve come since then. I now go for a run 6 mornings a week, only a quick 5 minute one, but I’m very impressed with myself for getting out of bed and running instead of walking straight to the sofa and turning the tv on. I’m also going to dance class once or twice a week and doing 45 sit ups every night (I add 5 to that every 2 weeks).
I’ve had a few set backs, but I’m riding my bike again, though only on the pavement, and I went to a house party by myself and travelled to Sheffield and Liverpool by myself! Now my lessons at university are over and I have to face the way I become when I’m bored or find something to do. I’m planning on trying the latter and not letting myself have panic attacks like I usually get when I have too much time to think. It’s been 12 weeks and 5 days since the last one!
Bree- I’d love a dog, or two even, but the poor thing wouldn’t have a garden to run around in, which would be very mean. Sometime soon hopefully! Is mace legal in england? I have a little can of deodorant I can spray in someone’s face if necessary hehe. I’m volunteering on Thursday afternoons at the moment and I have a job starting on June the 9th for a few weeks, I can’t wait!
Ann- I like the idea of making a commitment and sticking to it. My boyfriend and I are going to a formal dinner on Wednesday night in London, and my aim is not to cling to him because there are so many strangers there, but to talk to at least 2 people I don’t know. I’ll let you know how it goes!
And a second one: my dance class is doing a showcase next Saturday (24th) and only 7 out of 60 people have the guts to get on stage. So here’s the second commitment: I’m gonna be on that stage and I’m gonna have fun! (And then I’m gonna run back home and watch the Eurovision )
Ann- I like the idea of making a commitment and sticking to it. My boyfriend and I are going to a formal dinner on Wednesday night in London, and my aim is not to cling to him because there are so many strangers there, but to talk to at least 2 people I don’t know. I’ll let you know how it goes!
That’s great! Remember they’re generally more scared of you than you are of them. At least, everyone is somewhat uncomfortable at a formal dinner, I find. It makes being simply yourself and a good listener very welcoming. When I’m nervous, I try to lead with a sincere compliment.
I love your name, Nienke. Is it Dutch?
I am so glad things are going better—and that you are making solid strides with your efforts.
Remember they’re generally more scared of you than you are of them.
I thought that was snakes, never heard it said about people!
Yes, my name is Dutch, I’m from Holland, but I have a family who like to explore the world - or Europe, to be more precise - so I only lived there until I was 4. So impressed with your knowledge of Dutch names, do you have family / friends over there?
Will keep the sincere compliment thing in mind. One thing I’ve learned though, is to stick to the one compliment. Even if you mean it, people seem to think you’re insincere when you compliment them on two things…
Thanks Brandon, I should probably read my sig every now and then!
I’ve been a bit negative today, because I’ve been bored and for me that’s the worst thing. It has now been 13 weeks since my last panic attack, but without the distraction of regular university classes, things are gonna get tough. They always happen when I have a lack of distractions. Luckily I have a long list of books to read, and I’ve just got my recommended reading for next year in the mail. I’m still taking things one week at a time, so it’s all about getting to 14 weeks!
The good thing about this is that I’m actually quite excited about the social events coming up! But I might pick up Italian for Beginners to keep me busy too…
Thank you all for your encouragement, will keep updating this!
Well, got through the negative spell and spent this morning making appointments to view houses (we have to move out end June and have nowhere to move to!). Did my “homework” this morning instead of last night, better late than never, and almost didn’t go for a run this morning but pushed myself to go in the end, yay!
Forgot to mention I went to the ballet on Friday! The Kirov was performing Don Quijote, and I really couldn’t afford to go, but I’m so glad I did it anyway. I used to have ballet class every day, and even continued with it at university, but last year it got to the point where I couldn’t look in that mirror anymore. I really love ballet, but when you start coming home disappointed and upset you have to realise it’s over. So now I do streetdance, which is really fun! I’d love to take salsa too. Anyway, I wanted to know how I would feel watching other people dance, whether I would regret my decision. But I didn’t, I just enjoyed the show, which is very positive. It helps that I have a performance of my own to look forward to, of course .
It’s on Saturday and we have yet to start practising! Then again we’ve technically been practising every Tuesday and Thursday.
I like having that pressure, it makes me learn faster and perform better. Will keep you updated!
Well, everything’s going well. Got to London and I nearly didn’t go to the dinner party, but I made it, and talked two people - although my boyfriend introduced me to one of them, does that still count? I had a great time, and will try to add a picture in this post.
Rehearsals for the show are going well too. We had one Tuesday and one Thursday and we’re doing 7 hours of practice before the show tomorrow! I can’t wait
I haven’t managed to do my running and my sit ups every day this week, but considering I’ve been dancing, I think I’m still doing ok. I was a bit down last night, but have been quite cheerful today!
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