I’m embarrassed to say that despite my efforts here in April, I soon gave up in discouragement.  I can list all my excuses, but that is all they are...excuses.  This whole thing about weight loss is a more emotional issue than I have wanted to admit.  It’s a battle, and though I’m not sure why it is so hard for me, it really is.

But my health is important.  I WANT to do better.  I have been thinking through the question, “How do I want to feel?” Here are my answers:

I want to be able to get up on time in the morning, and feel energetic all day long.
I want to be able to move freely, instead of feeling like I’m wearing too many layers of clothes like the boy in “The Christmas Story”.
I want to be able to tie my shoes without feeling winded.
I want to be able to breathe clearly, instead of fighting with asthma.
I want to enjoy mealtimes, instead of feeling stressed and obsessing about food.
I want to be relaxed and calm.
I want to live most days without headaches.
I want to be free of guilt and shame.
I want to be confident instead of self-conscious.

These are important goals.  Are they more important to me than hiding, than using food as a tranquilizer? 

I’ve wanted to wait until it becomes “easy”.  You know - until I don’t want to eat any more, and I just can’t wait to get to the gym.  But that won’t happen by itself, I have to make that attitude shift.  And reality is, it will be hard before it is easy.  I need help making it through the hard part.

Sadi, those are good reasons to make healthy changes.

I think we all end up “trying again” at times.  People around me seem to think this change has been one smooth, effortless, happy year. It totally hasn’t. I’ve gotten frustratred, upset, insecure, tired, sore, lazy, hungry—all of it. What worked for me was feeling a commitment to a scheduled exercise class, for one.

Can you look back at when you “gave up” and think, what support—from yourself, from others in your life—would have made the difference at that point? And can you give yourself that support NOW and in the future?  How can I/we help?

Best wishes,

Ann

I’m not sure at the moment what would have helped at that time.  I had a huge work project that kept me in the lab from 8 pm to 2 am, and that lack of sleep didn’t help.  I did start going to therapy again in October, and that will be helpful I think.  Perhaps at this point what I need is a sense of accountability.  I want to do this, and I hope that if others are checking up on me, I’ll keep at it.

Hey Sadi -

I am really experienced in falling off the wagon, so I know where you’re at right now.  But I am also good at climbing back on, and that is what is important.  Welcome back on the wagon!

I noticed you said that you wanted to wait until it felt easy, but decided to press on anyway.  I think that is wise.  What I have found is that motivation comes from doing.  Work out a few times and it starts to get easier.  Work out a few more times and it becomes a habit.  Work out a few more times after that and it becomes something you look forward to and miss if you don’t get it.  Its the same with eating right. 

That said, you do need to be at a place in your life where you are ready to commit to the work that goes into changing your habits, and it sounds like you weren’t there when you were working on that big project, but that you are there now.

Good luck and be sure to share both your struggles and your triumphs.  We’re here to help, or to help celebrate. 

Thanks for the encouragement.

Welcome Back Sadi!!

I think for just about everybody, it is a matter of trying and trying again and again. 

We are here for you when you need us.

Congratulations on coming back, Sadi! Your list of reasons brought back a lot of memories. I didn’t have asthma, but everything else was right there, plus some. The change is doable, and worth every little bit, I promise. You know how wonderful you feel when you get through with a workout? Do it for that feeling, don’t worry about anything else, just go for the feeling. Every workout is a triumph, every time you pass up seconds (my failing) is a triumph. Absorb the triumphs into your heart, hold them close, they will get you through.

Welcome back, we’re here for you.

Bree

Thanks so much for not making me feel like a jerk for having given up.  I appreciate the understanding and encouragement.

Your so welcome, if I could count high enough I’d tell you how many times I gave up before I finally got here. Not easy, but very much worth it. I’m just happy you’re back.

Bree

Thanks

I hope you like my avatar...it is a cartoon character my son made up a couple years ago, when he was 10.  He’s 14 now, and a really gifted artist.

I know what falling is like, Sadi. And every time I fell off the trail, the ditch just seemed to get bigger and bigger. It just became so hard to climb out, both physically and emotionally. After my last big fall, I knew that I had to do something, because at that point I was facing my own mortality. I finally realized that I was killing myself. That is, I knew it, but it had to become real to me. So I started taking in knowledge of all kinds, trying to find what would work for me. Then one day I came upon the simple philosophies of Scott Smith, and as the weeks went on, I started to experience all kinds of clicks. These things that just came to me after I started to contemplate at that level. I discovered that I was creating in my mind this idea that weight loss, vitality, getting what I wanted, these were nearly impossible things that only certain special people could ever achieve. I looked around myself every day and all I saw were overweight or unhealthy people who seemed totally incapable of positive change. Then I realized that the statistics are poison, and all of these people are where they are partly because of the bull that’s being shoveled into their ears every day. They were just like me, always thinking in this mode of self-defeat. The statistics disempower us, they make us feel hopeless. I personally reject the idea that somehow the successes and failures of others are the predictors of our own individual potential. Failure(as it has come to be known) often comes from psyching ourselves out. But do you know what we do here at MTM? We defy statistics.

There are a lot of “facts and figures” out there, but ultimately, if we can believe in ourselves at an individual level, I think we can get everything we want and possibly a whole lot more. I think you want those things on your list really bad, Sadi. And all of us will be here to assist you in whatever ways we can, to help you achieve all of it.

Thanks Brandon

I just noticed your above post, where you mention your avatar. Your son must be truly fantastic if he made that at 10!

He is

I do love the avatar! Your son is very talented.

Bree