Spending a few days away sounds like a good decision.  Take some time for yourself and make sure that any decisions you make are based on what is best for you.  You deserve to be treated well, so don’t accept anything less. 

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.  It helps more than you realize to know that others go through trying times also.

paula9717 - 18 July 2007 10:04 PM

Spending a few days away sounds like a good decision.  Take some time for yourself and make sure that any decisions you make are based on what is best for you.  You deserve to be treated well, so don’t accept anything less. 

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.  It helps more than you realize to know that others go through trying times also.

Paula - You are so right about deciding what is best for me. The days of someone else making decisions for me are over!

Hi Cindy,

I was reading your thread, and all I could think of was when Scott quoted Winston Churchill...’when you are going through hell, keep going’.

You do have the strength to get through this and you do have the support, from you family, friends and all of us here at the forum.

I hope your few days away gives you some peace and also strength.

The Churchill quote is one I will add to my daily mantras along with many that I have picked up from Scott and his messages.

I thought I would share one more experience with ya’ll. In my search for information and such, I found a few forums related to divorce support. Just scanning the message boards, I could not believe the contrast of positive thinking and uplifting support that I’m accustomed to on MTM compared to hateful language, spouse bashing and negativity on the other forums. I feel so fortunate to have this avenue of release in a positive atmosphere as it is just not in my nature to constantly drive my mood and anger down. I know there are times when I need to scream and cry to release my frustration (and I have!), but I just feel the MTM community is reserved for something far better than that and I’m so happy to consider it part of my life.

I’m glad you feel that way Cindy,

I’ve always felt it is a safe, supportive community so it is wonderful you can feel that during your time of need.

Hi Cindy. I agree with you on the other forums. I did the same when I got a divorce 6 yeaes ago. All the other forums did was depress you more or give you hateful feeling. You have got the best support and wonderful people supporting you here on MTM. Good luck in your journey>

Ljoy - 18 July 2007 10:19 PM

The days of someone else making decisions for me are over!

Yes!

Cindy, it’s good to hear you’re continuing to take good care of yourself.  Taking time away, staying as close to friends and family as you can, all of that is so helpful for you. 

And you’re so right about the quality of the interactions that happen here in MTMLand.  It is such a breath of fresh air.

Just thought I’d give an update after being gone for a while. I had a wonderful time being away from home for five days. Although the prospect of proceeding with my divorce was on my mind, I enjoyed being at the beach and sharing time with a few friends. I came home to a lengthy discussion on what steps we will need to take. He still thinks an attorney is not necessary but I have yet to meet one other person that agrees so I have an appointment next Monday to meet with legal counsel.

The hardest part for me now is living under the same roof together. He stays out until 1AM, doing lord knows what. I have no doubt there is another woman involved and that part just tears me up inside. I simply wish he would have given me the respect of dissolving our marriage before going on to someone else. On the other hand, this is not the first time he has had an affair so I should not be surprised. It has made it easier for me to accept the end of the marriage by refusing to let him do this to me again. He gives me the sad story of how he knows he has not been a good husband - that I deserve better - that he is going to end up a sad, sorry old man. Too bad for him - I won’t take that path!!! I refuse to feel sorry for him or myself because there is too much good life out there to waste on thinking like that!

Thanks again for listening. I appreciate every one of you and the fact that you are good, caring people.

Hey Cindy,

I’m really glad you enjoyed the break. Sounds like you needed to get some fresh air. I think you are doing the right thing getting some legal advice. Even if you don’t end up using an attorney, you still needto know your rights.

Life is too good to waste time, isn’t it?

Fi B - 24 July 2007 04:24 AM

Life is too good to waste time, isn’t it?

You are sooooo right! I am excited to think about having my own dreams and planning for a future of good health, happiness and fun in my life. As far as I’m concerned - the sooner the better!

He gives me the sad story of how he knows he has not been a good husband - that I deserve better - that he is going to end up a sad, sorry old man.

He’s right - you deserve much better.  I know it’s sad, but that’s his choice of how he wants to live his life. 

It’s hard, but things will work out for the best.  It’s time for you to move on and realize your own dreams.  Life is too good and too short to waste.

Hi there Cindy,

I just came across your thread and it really touched me. I hope I am within the proper bounds to express my thoughts frankly here.  I am so sorry for the pain you must be feeling now as well as how you must of felt through the years trying to keep a marriage/family together tolerating your husband’s infidelities. The pain at times can be unbearable and the reality that your marriage did not work out is devastating. It is very difficult when in the midst of all this emotional pain to put your focus on the practical matters re: finances/equitable distribution. It is imperative that you seek legal advice from more than one attorney at this time. You may ultimately choose not to hire an attorney, however you absolutely must know all of your legal rights. A word of caution - be sure to sit down with more than one attorney for a consultation. Divorce is a big, extremely lucrative business for attorneys and for the courts. If you walk into the legal system with a lifetime of accumulated assets, well you can imagine what can happen especially while your dealing with feelings of tremendous hurt and probably in the worst emotional, messy frame of mind of your lifetime. Information is power - be as informed as you possibly can be.
Based on the history you have shared, your life just improved greatly although you may not reach that truth for some time as you journey through a thousand different feelings. Take care of yourself and count your blessings through your tears as there remains much to be grateful for.
When it is cloudy outside the sun still is up there shining we just cannot see or feel it, but it is there.

Better a tooth out than always aching.
* Thomas Fuller

Dear EZMorph,

Thank you for your kind and thoughtful posting. Much of what you said is exactly what I am realizing as each day passes. I went to the library and found several books with lots of helpful information. I am in the process of organizing a household inventory, financial statement, budget and have also opened two separate bank accounts (which my husband asked for and I decided was in my best interest too since he could have easily gone into the joint account and taken it all).  I have an appointment with an attorney on Monday morning so will learn more then.

In the meantime, our impending divorce is becoming known among our friends and I have received a great deal of support, although I know there will be lots of gossip and stories. Regardless, I know in my heart that I can walk with my head held proud as I have nothing to be ashamed of.

Thank you again for expressing yourself in support of my postings.

Hi Cindy,

It’s good to hear you’re getting some good advice and information.  Just because you have an attorney on your side doesn’t mean things have to become acrimonious.  It’s to make sure your interests and rights are not lost in the shuffle.

And you’re absolutely right.  You can keep your head held high.  You did nothing wrong in this situation. 

I have a sneaking suspicion your life is taking a really great turn for the better, even if it still looks tough right now.

You bet you can hold you head high, Cindy!

When friends of our’s have split, we have always taken the stance that nobody else knows what goes on in a relationship...only the two people involved. Your true friends will be there for you.