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Tomorrow I start school again. I’m taking three classes, all of them prerequisites for an accounting degree. Yes, I already have an M.A., but I’ve found that it really isn’t useful for very much. (Who would have thought that lots of obscure knowledge about the middle ages wouldn’t prove useful? *grin*)
I’ve second-guessed this decision a lot. So far, all I’ve committed to is doing the single semester and seeing if I like it. If I do, it’s a 5-year path to getting my professional certification. I’m still not sure if it’s the right decision, but if I don’t try, I’ll never know. At worst, I devote 3 months of my l life, get a bit of useful information, and start over in April. At best, I find a new direction for my life. All told, I think the benefits outweigh the risks.
Nothing wrong with career changes. I’m a master at that. Congratulations on taking that step. Remember, if it doesn’t work, you can always change again. Education is never wasted. Your attitude is perfect. At worst, you learn something new, at best, you find a new direction. Keep that open mind. Opportunity can only come in through open doors.
Scott has sometimes mentioned that relationships have “expiry dates.” How do you know when you’ve hit it? My best friend and I have been arguing and tense for months—we’ll have a few good times, but the vast majority of the time we spend together one-on-one is taken up with us fighting or hurting each other (inadvertently, of course). Based on other things Scott has said, I’ve come to realize that this is fundamentally a conflict of values. I started writing our different values, in neutral terms (ie: mine aren’t “better” than his, just different), and realize we’ve got a lot of major differences. The main issue at this point is that he wants more time from me that I can give him, and is feeling like he’s playing second fiddle to my boyfriend and to my other activities. I feel for him, but I don’t feel I can give him what he wants (more one-on-one time) without sacrificing things I don’t want to give up. And he’s not willing to accept compromise measures.
I personally feel that our relationship is reaching its expiry date, and has been for the last 6 months or more. It’s a hard, painful road. He, on the other hand, does not seem to feel this, and still thinks we can work things through if only I do everything he wants (of course).
Relationships have a natural cycle, ebb and flow. I have had times with my closest friend when we couldn’t exchange two civil words, then times and tides changed and we became close again. Sometimes you just need to agree to disagree, and take some time apart. Don’t say things you may regret later, but be honest. If the friendship is real, it will survive and come out stronger in the end. If the relationship expires, then that is what was meant to be. One or the other has moved in a different direction and the differences are too great to overcome. If it’s just time that’s needed, then you will both learn and grow from the experience.
It’s always sad when you need to say good-bye to a friend, but do it with fond memories and no regrets. You are such a caring person that any expiration of a relationship will be painful for you. I wish you the best, no matter what decision you make.
Julie, I had to go through this with a friend at the beginning of Summer 2007. We had been close for years and then things just kind of snapped when she started resenting me for losing weight and improving my life. It was completely ridiculous. We mutually parted ways and took a 3 month break from each other although at the time I thought it was for forever. By the end of the Summer we ran into each other and slowly we became friends again after we finally had the necessary pow-wow session of what was bothering each of us. Things are much better between us now and we are better friends than before. We really needed the break. I know that your scenario is different than mine but maybe a break is in order for you as well. Sometimes time apart helps you see things in a new perspective. Hope this helps.
This morning I had a scare: I thought I’d lost my purse. I was out at a bar last night, went back to my boyfriend’s place to pick up some random stuff, and came home. This morning: no purse. I didn’t know whether I’d left it at his place or at the bar. It was very, very scary.
I wound up driving down to his place, *sure* that I had left it there, only to find it… not there. No one was home, no call on my machine to say that he’d found it, nothing. The bar didn’t have it in their lost and found.
Finally, I got through to my boyfriend at work. It turns out that he dropped it off this morning but forgot to call me (or leave any other sort of note). I hadn’t checked my front hall because I came in through the garage last night and hadn’t been in the front hall.
All this to say: I now have my purse back, but my morning got completely messed up! Life gets in the way somethings, for sure! (Oh, and I also have now catalogued the contents of my wallet and purse onto my computer, along with pertinent card numbers and telephone numbers in case I need to cancel things.)
This time two weeks ago, I had no real thoughts about jobs other than, “I’d better get my hours at my part-time, short-term contract job pretty soon, or my money situation’s going to start getting rough.”
Between then and now, I have:
- attended a career fair
- had an interview with a library for potential summer work
- arranged an interview with a college humanities department, for a potential short-term teaching replacement (I think that’s what it’s for)
- arranged for an English test at a subtitling and closed-captioning company I applied for at the career fair—if it goes well, they’ll interview me for a position as an English editor
- signed up with oDesk, a site for freelancers to get work
- confirmed that I’ll be starting my short-term contract as a writing tutor on the 27th, for 3 hours a week
Oh, and I’ve gone to a few classes, too, seeing that I’m back in school for the semester.
Somehow, I think that I should be happy about all this opportunity. On the other hand, I’ve never been very good with choices, even when I had all the pertinent information (which I don’t, in this case). I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed, frankly. My brain is trying to work out permutations and it’s starting to implode.
Or maybe that’s just the PMS talking.
Things are spinning very, very fast, and I’m trying to make sense of it all. Any advice?
Yep, breath. Have you had an offer? Or several? If not, just wait and meditate on what you can see yourself best in, and happiest in. When the offers start coming, you’ll have a better idea of what you want from a job, and that’s priceless information.
Not yet, no. I’ll find out from the subtitling company in about two weeks. I’ll hear from the library next week, but I probably won’t take the job even if they offer it to me (very low salary, and only 8-10 weeks out of my 4-month summer). The interview with the college is on Tuesday, so I won’t know that for a while.
It’s odd—the longer I’ve been doing this job hunt, the more confused I’ve become as to what I want. I had originally wanted to teach at college, but when that seemed not to be happening, my brain sort-of shut off that option and has been going in two very different directions at the same time: 1. “whatever, just give me anything; I want to start putting money into the bank,” and 2. “I’ll never get anything, so I’d better go back to school and do another degree in something practical so that one day I can have a steady job.”
Thanks to a conversation with a friend of mine last night, wherein he was kind enough to let me ramble and think out loud, I had a small epiphany.
What I want from a job is enough money to build up a decent nest egg, and enough experience to have something viable to fall back on and possibly do freelance from home a few hours a week.
Because what I really want, old-fashioned as it sounds, is to be a stay-at-home-mom. I want kids, and I want to stay home with them until they’re old enough to go to school.
I talk a lot more about this on my lj, but I don’t want to do a huge post here. People are welcome to read it at http://eveglass.livejournal.com/493246.html and to comment: I allow anonymous commenting, but please leave your name so I know who you are. (Or comment here, of course).
Congratulations on all your achievements. You are such a wonderful inspiration in all that you do. I wanted to comment on your desire to be a stay-at-home mom.
First, it does take courage to seek what you truly desire, acknowledge it, and to speak about it. Especially when it’s being, what many would say as, “just” a stay-at-home Mom.
I found myself wanting this a couple of a years ago and was slightly embarrassed because it felt like I was giving up on myself. When I asked why I felt that way, I found that I had grown-up believing that a job or my achievements would define me. Society likes flashy achievements like high-profile jobs, degrees, material possessions, and fame/celebrity. It strikes me as odd when raising the future generation is deemed a second-rate position. People too often forget that the women’s movement was about wanting equality and options. One of those options is staying home.
When I had my daughter six months ago, my opinion on the whole matter solidified. A dream is a dream. My dream is to stay home with my kids and raise them. To see them as much as possible and to laugh and grow with them. It’s hard not to get caught up in society’s hullabaloo when I am out with my career-driven girl friends - but then I come home and look at my daughter to know that that is where I want to focus my energy. That if I end my life penniless and no other achievement but a kid that speaks respectfully to me and others, is conscientious of their place in the world, and laughs at the jokes I tell - I will be happy.
Anyway, that’s my two cents about that.
All I meant to say before the rant took over is. From reading your posts you are a kind-hearted soul who will raise great kids. It is a noble profession. Don’t let the bully’s get you down.
Thanks for the encouragement. Good luck raising your daughter. Six months is definitely a cute phase—they actually start *doing* stuff (like interacting with you), but they’re not yet mobile enough to wreck havoc. Enjoy this interlude while it lasts. *grin*
(Please note that I say this not as a mom, but as someone who’s friends have all given birth in the last 2-3 years—I count at least 17 new children to our extended social circle—and having watched a lot of them go from newborns to toddlers.)
