Hi everyone, this is Claire, and I have finally updated my bio on MTM.

I’ve always been a ‘big girl’. My mum told everyone I would lose the ‘puppy fat’. I didn’t. I joined a gym for the first time in 1988 just after my 21st birthday. I thought I was really fat, compared to other girls my age I was chubby. What I would give to be that weight now! Between graduation in 1996 and 2006 I put on 11 kilos (24 lb.) It crept up on me silently and hand in hand with my feelings of despair and shame.  Many years of self-development followed, I learnt along the way about issues that have enabled me to downplay ME. I blamed my mother, my sister, my bosses, my teachers and my ex-boyfriends.

Despite my healthy eating, and healthy lifestyle, I always feel bad about how I look no matter what anyone says, because I do not feel right carrying this weight.  I want to wear the clothes I want to and not think about my arms, my boobs, my butt, my thighs and how they will look. I want to welcome the sun instead of being glad when it rains so I can cover up. I should be having a wonderful life, instead I find myself stuck.

* Stuck in fear of looking stupid if I go out jogging (I like jogging).
* Stuck making excuses again to not go to the gym (I love the gym when I’m there).
* Stuck starting boxing, pilates, yoga and not showing up consistently (I really love all these sports)
* Stuck saying I want to start my own business but being overwhelmed (an excuse to not go to the gym).

I started listening to MTM in 2007 and became a premium member in July 2007. I am what Scott calls a ‘lurker’. I have listened to hours and hours worth of MTM, and recently nearly wept when my PC got wiped and I lost several shows. I have learnt valuable lessons from Scott. It’s taken me this long to post a message and update my bio. Listening back to an old podcast Scott said something that really bugged me. It played on my mind for days. Then I told my boyfriend: “Scott said I’m not serious and he’s right.” Now of course, Scott did not say that to me personally, but he mentioned in a podcast that some people waste their time and his because they’re not serious. I realised that that is what bugged me. I am not serious; not serious about losing weight, not serious about starting my own business, not serious about starting moving and staying moving.

So today, Sunday, July 20th 2008, I have become accountable. Because today started like too many other days for me. I told my boyfriend that I was going to the gym for pilates. I got myself ready and the nearer the clock ticked to the time I should be leaving, I suddenly had to do all types of things. I got delayed, so delayed that there was “no point going to the gym anymore for the class.” I knew I was flaking, I knew I would feel bad. I forgot to ask “How do I want to feel?” I forgot to take accountability, because I don’t really know how to apply it to my personal life.

Scott said this could happen and yes today, I have had enough.

I want to feel free to be the person I know I am - somewhere under this weight, she be there. 

Perhaps I finally have ‘the click’.

Statistics as of July 20, 2008:
Height: 1,60 m (5,2)
BMI: 30.1
Starting Weight: 77 kg (US 169 lbs)
Goal Weight: 55 kg (US 120 lbs)

Hi Claire

welcome to the forum!!

Wow - and congratulations for really putting yourself out there in your post for all to see. Now to get yourself un-stuck.

I can identify with so many of the things you listed - about clothes, about looking silly running (for me it is riding a bike in public) and even moving forward in my career.

I got serious about exercise in January and have been moving ever since. The hard part is starting. (But I have to admit that I was given a very generous “push” by a co-worker that really got me going - see pg 1 of my thread). I feel better about myself even though I still have a long way to go (even further then you have). I’m making progress with my weight loss, although it is slower than I’d like.

I know you can do it. So you didn’t make it to the gym for the pilates class this morning, but what can you do instead to get moving today. Go to the gym and use a bike? Go for a walk around your neighbourhood? Anything will do. Just take a step - then repeat!!

I will be looking out for your posts.

Welcome to the forum Claire.

Sounds like you had a revelation.  I have the same problem with the gym!  You aren’t alone.

What sort of business are you starting?

Once again, welcome to the forum, it is great to have you here.

When I lived in Vermont ten years ago and thirty minutes from the nearest traffic light - my wife Quinn and I started our fitness journey by buying some exercise mats, a swiss ball and Billy Blanks videos… and boy did he look silly in spandex, but I have to tell you the videos kicked our butts and got them into shape. I also started my studies of Tai Chi through watching Paul Lam videos… Not as effective as having a teacher by your side - but you can learn this way, at least the basic steps.

So if you can’t make it to the gym, don’t let that stop you - bring the gym to your living room. How bad do you want it?
It’s certainly worth the effort - and trust me that most people are too focused on how silly they look to notice anything. Just get busy. You are worth it.

Thank you for you encouraging reply. As I explained to Catherine and M, I was down with a nasty cold last week which then developed into a full blown sinus infection (my weak spot). So I spent most of the week in bed, My delay responding stems from this and also that I cannot work out this thread thing. I actually wrote to Carlyn because I cannot figure out where the replies go. Anyhow, I replied to my two other posts using ‘PM’ and am now replying to you using ‘post reply’. Let’s call it trial and error. I have heard your name on Scott’s show and checked your website. Very cool.

The Billy Blanks thing cracked me up. He did look silly, but yes, having attended many a tae bo lesson, did it work right? I will check out Paul Lam too. How wonderful to have access to all this knowledge, making me really glad I have finally taken accountability and put myself out there as Catherine said.

So, after my one step forward two steps back of last week, today, I have woken up raring to go. I am going to boxing class at 2pm, I won’t be able to move for the rest of the week (based on past experience) but at least I know I’ll have fun, sweat and burn calories like mad. And yes, I will go to the gym three more times whatever happens. There, I said it.

It’s midday here in Amsterdam, have a good day where you are.

Claire

Yes! I worked it out. I understand what the thread is now

Yeah! 
Are you feeling better today? 

By poking around the site you will soon learn your way around.  Same thing at the gym.  Learn a few new things each time you go and you’ll soon know your way around the equiptment and be getting great workouts!!  Have you planned to go again?

Hi & Good Morning, afternoon or evening!

How did the boxing class go?  Glad your feeling better.

Hi there,

I’m feeling great today. Class was good and today I went to Pilates which I’d also missed for a few weeks, it’s been so hot and humid here today, there were only two of us there so it was like a private lesson. I loved it and it lifted my spirit no end to be moving again.

Am just doing my homework now and planning my meals for next week (which I’ve done for years and is a very important part of my week).

Have a great start to your week.

Claire

Way to go Claire!!  Isn’t it cool when it is a small class.

You have a great week too!

Great Job!! 

I have a hard time with the food planning side of things but it sounds like you have that battle won.  I’m in the fixing to get ready stage on that one.  But I have been studying fitness nutrition recently and I have a few things still to work out.